"More than 67 million Americans watched the debate on television last night, and of that 67 million, the only one who seems to think Trump did a good job is Donald Trump," Kimmel said.
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night's highlights that lets you sleep -- and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
67 Million to 1
Despite public sentiment suggesting otherwise, Donald Trump said he came out on top after Tuesday's debate, while also asserting it was rigged against him.
On Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel said that more than 67 million Americans watched the debate on television last night -- "and of that 67 million, the only one who seems to think Trump did a good job is Donald Trump."
"I had a liberal elite day today. I woke up, I ate a big cat for breakfast, then I had a baby, then I had an abortion right after that, and then I went to pick up my kids from their mandatory transgender surgery operations after school. And now, I'm back here spreading Marxist propaganda on TV. That's how we do it." -- JIMMY KIMMEL
"This morning, Trump said the debate was rigged and that ABC should be shut down for fact-checking him, but that he still thought he did great. Then ABC fact-checked him again and said, 'You did not.'" -- JIMMY FALLON
"Yeah, everyone thought Harris seemed really prepared while Trump was like, 'My homework was eaten by a dog that was eaten by people in Ohio.'" -- JIMMY FALLON
"This pet-eating brain worm got into Trump's skull through JD Vance, who's been spreading a racist rumor that Haitian immigrants are abducting people's pets and eating them in Ohio. This is a good time to remind you: please remember to spay or neuter your JD Vance. We don't want more of that." -- STEPHEN COLBERT
"It looks like Operation 'I'm Not Weird' isn't going well." -- JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Childless Cat Lady Edition)
"Last night, Kamala Harris and Donald Trump took to the debate stage to make their cases to Taylor Alison Swift and whoever else happened to be watching." -- JORDAN KLEPPER
"Trump was like, 'See? She's eating her cat.'" -- JIMMY FALLON
"Trump this morning responded to the Taylor Swift endorsement and said, 'Not a fan.' But I have some bad news: his granddaughter, Arabella, Ivanka's daughter, two months ago had a Taylor Swift cake for her birthday. So eat that, Grandpa." -- JIMMY KIMMEL
"Really, Donald? You prefer Brittany Mahomes? What's your top five Brittany Mahomes songs? Is this really his angle? 'Well, I don't care, Taylor, because I like your boyfriend's co-worker's wife better." -- JORDAN KLEPPER
The Bits Worth Watching
The "Late Night" writers Amber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel returned for another "Jokes Seth Can't Tell" segment on Wednesday.
What We're Excited About on Thursday Night
The "Agatha All Along" star Sasheer Zamata will appear on Thursday's "Daily Show."
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True crime stories about brands like Brandy Melville and Lululemon explore the dark side of trendy clothing.