About a month ago, my 11-year-old son "Charlie" was playing outside when he suddenly ran into the house, grabbed some wire cutters, and ran back out. I only found out a bit later that he and his friends had discovered a fox with its head stuck in one of the yard fences, and he decided to free the animal. I told him it was the kind thing to do, but also a foolish one, and that he should have called animal control for something like that, as a trapped fox is likely to bite or scratch anything nearby and who knows what diseases it carried. Still, it was done already by the time I found out, so I checked him for any injuries (there weren't any) and just thought it a weird summer occurrence.

Well, the past few times I've been on walking distance errands, if Charlie is along too, I've seen a fox trailing along behind us, never getting closer than about 10 feet or so. Foxes are somewhat common in the area, so I can't quite swear it's the same fox every time, but I think it is. And every so often it rolls onto its back and makes this squeaking sound while facing Charlie. I've asked him if he's been feeding that fox, and if it's the one he saved from the fence. He confirmed it was the same one that he released, and denied feeding it, but then had one of those sly tween expression things and said that maaaaaaaybe when he has a snack outside he isn't the cleanest eater and if some crumbs fall on the ground and a fox gets them, that's not really his fault, right?

It is long past time for this to stop. I don't want a fox as a pet, and I certainly don't want Charlie sneaking around to have a semi-pet behind my back. School starting up will help with that, as he'll have less time to his own devices outside, but short of making sure he stays in the house or under my supervision, which I don't really want to do as it's not age-appropriate, how do I keep him from playing with his fox?

Frequent readers of my Care and Feeding columns know that my "day job" is in environmental education, so you can tell Charlie that this reply comes straight from a wildlife professional (and is backed up by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service). He's absolutely doing more harm than good by feeding this fox and allowing it to get close to him.

Nutritionally, this is a bad move. Even if it's not outright harmful or poisonous, whatever food Charlie is giving Foxy is not designed to meet Foxy's specific nutritional needs. That means Foxy is filling up, but not really nourishing its body. This could be especially detrimental if you live in an area where you get cold winters; foxes increase their caloric intake in order to store up fat for the winter, and if Foxy isn't eating the right food, its body might not be as ready for those cold months.

Behaviorally, this is also a really bad move. The fact that Foxy is following your son around, and displaying trusting or submissive behaviors like rolling over (hard for me to believe, but I'll go with it) shows that Foxy is becoming habituated to humans. And while Charlie isn't going to hurt Foxy, a different human (or their Doberman or their Toyota) might. The more comfortable wild animals get with humans, the more possibilities there are for them to be injured or killed. Charlie is accidentally teaching Foxy that humans are friends, and that is dangerous.

I don't blame Charlie for wanting to befriend and interact with Foxy. If you run into me at my local Starbucks, I'll tell you all about a wild frog I befriended in college (seriously). And I would love nothing more than for the woodland creature scene from Snow White to be real. But these wants and dreams Charlie and I share are actually pretty selfish; we want to befriend these animals for our own enjoyment, and it comes at the expense of the animals' well-being. Charlie needs to think about what is best for Foxy, and save his animal interactions for his future zookeeper career.

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Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband "Trent" and I have a 2-year-old son, "Colton." The trouble is that for the last month when Trent has been outside with Colton and Colton needs to pee, instead of taking him inside the house to go, Trent has Colton relieve himself in the gutter or on bushes, often in yards that are not ours. So far, we've avoided trouble, save for one instance where he was on a walk with Colton in the neighborhood and a neighbor came out just as Colton was making a pit stop in their flowerbed. Trent pretended that Colton couldn't hold it, claimed he was having some difficulty adjusting to potty training, and apologized. Fortunately, the neighbor bought it. I've told Trent that this is undermining Colton's progress with potty training, disgusting and possibly illegal, but he doesn't think it's a big deal.

It's also created problems when I take Colton out and about. He won't use the potty before we go somewhere even if I ask if he needs to because he expects that he'll be able to let loose wherever he is because his dad allows it. This has resulted in an increasing number of accidents to the point where I've had to put Colton back in pull-ups. He had been reliably potty trained for three months until my husband began letting him go to the bathroom outside. I'm so frustrated that his progress has been derailed and that Trent is making no attempt to correct Colton when they are outside together and Colton needs to go. How am I supposed to fix this when my husband and I are not on the same team?

If my neighborhood Facebook group is to be taken as canon, allowing your dog to pee on someone's front lawn is a sin tantamount to egging a car, but the parkway (the grass between the sidewalk and street) is fair game. So, I might advise your husband to think more critically about on which grass he allows Colton to pee. Except, I wouldn't actually do that, because COLTON IS NOT A GOLDEN RETRIEVER.

I generally don't like to make sweeping statements, but your husband is totally in the wrong here! Presumably, Trent -- also a human -- knows it is not appropriate for him to pee in the neighbor's daylilies, so why on earth would he think it's OK for his son to do so? Either he thinks it's cute or funny (weird) or he's feeling too lazy to bring Colton inside. And while I'm all in favor of finding lazy ways to parent, this ain't on the approved list. What's more, his choice is making your life, and Colton's growing independence, harder, and both of those are big "no"s in my book.

Your husband is lucky that the neighbor who caught them gave the situation a pass -- other homeowners and passersby may not be as kind, and it's absolutely within the realm of possibility that someone could call the cops on him, threaten him with a Child Protective Services call, or simply condemn him on your neighborhood Facebook group. Overreaction or not, no one needs that drama. Tell Trent that if he isn't going to carry the appropriate equipment on his outdoor adventures, he better get comfortable with the walk back into the house.

My husband and I always knew that it would be medically difficult for us to conceive, from both directions. We started trying years before we got married, and had a long-term plan with milestones and savings about trying different things, from IVF to surrogacy to adoption. Both of us felt very private about this so we didn't tell our families. Finally, we're overjoyed -- five years of trying and I'm having a baby!

We do weekend respite care for my sister-in-law and her boyfriend by watching his 8-year-old daughter and their 13-year-old son. Their son is disabled and is curious and sweet, but he also hits, and there need to be two adults for care and safety. As he gets bigger, this becomes a bigger problem. I'm at a point in my pregnancy where I'm tired and sick all the time and can't handle this. And when this trimester is over, hitting and injuries will be an even higher risk to our baby. Even though it's really early, we told them about the pregnancy and asked them to keep it private. We didn't want them to feel like we cut off help for no reason.

The boyfriend pretended it wasn't happening, and pushed for us to do it anyway. My SIL had a crying guilt tripping meltdown about how she couldn't handle the kids without help, and asked us what she should do. My husband was firm that we couldn't help any more, and that they needed to figure it out. She continues to send guilt trip texts, and my husband thinks we should cut them both off completely, but I think that's too far. Meanwhile, someone (her?) has told the usually lovely extended family that we're having an "oops" baby and has been really nasty about it. So now we're also fielding weird messages from them, and having to set all these people straight about news we didn't plan to share until the six-month mark. I'm not even at the end of my first trimester yet and I hate it all. What can I do to make this suck less?

Congratulations! And I am so sorry that your sister-in-law has decided to make your pregnancy all about her. I sympathize with her situation -- I am sure she's in a bit of spiral -- but her behavior is inappropriate. I'm curious what she thought you and your husband's family aspirations were. Surely she should have assumed that someday, if you had a family, you would want and need to spend your weekends caring for your own kids and not hers. Did she think you would be her weekend help forever? Again, I understand that she is probably panicking about what this means for herself, but guilt trips and family gossip aren't the right way to handle it.

I know you wanted this to be private, but the news is already out there, so you might as well embrace it, and what better way than in a group email to the family. "Dear loved ones," you can write, "By now many of you have heard that Hubby and I are expecting. Contrary to the rumor mill, this pregnancy was very much wanted and planned for. To be fully transparent, however, this is a medically fragile situation and thus we were not planning to share the news widely until we knew that Wifey and Baby were safely far along. Since that's not an option now, we wanted to share our joyous news, but ask that folks exercise caution and restraint for now. We know you will want to talk about the pregnancy, make plans for the baby, buy all of the gifts, etc. but we are still very nervous and are trying to protect our hearts. We're asking for space and grace for the next couple months." And then direct them to a trusted family member who can serve as your de facto spokesperson.

Meanwhile, your husband needs to have a heart-to-heart with his sister, empathizing but letting her know how hurtful her behavior has been. Maybe he is willing to come to their house solo over the next few weeks, to at least give SIL and boyfriend a break one at a time, or find some other way to let your help taper off while they make alternative plans. He isn't required to do this, especially if she in fact did "out" you guys to the family, but it would be a kind thing to consider.

Dear Care and Feeding,

I have a 9-year-old son, "Todd." Todd is a good kid, studious and well behaved, and he was actually looking forward to the summer ending and going back to school. That faded quickly this year, and I asked him what was up.

He told me that he was being forced to sit next to another kid, "Neil," in most of his classes. Neil is apparently yelling frequently and smells bad and Todd hates being stuck next to him. However, because Todd is a "model student," he's been selected to help as Neil's study buddy. I told him to try to see if he can get his seat changed, and if not, try not to pay too much attention to Neil, even though it's hard.

I was resolved to monitor the situation, but didn't think anything else needed doing until I got a call last night from one of his teachers. Todd answered every question on a quiz with, "Give me a zero so I'm not a model student anymore." I brought up the difficulties my son was having with Neil, and the whole conversation got icy almost immediately. She did confirm that there is this other student, absolutely refused to confirm or deny any information about him other than that he's in the class and sits next to my son. She also said that while children having difficulties getting along can be separated in the classroom, it was absolutely impossible in this circumstance and refused to explain why it's so impossible.

My suspicion is that Neil has some sort of IEP or other similar instrument and they've decided to stick him next to my son for whatever reason. But this is way beyond the pale to involve another student in his education like this, isn't it? What can I do here to fight for my son?

To my knowledge (and I'm not a classroom educator), no IEP would require the assistance of another student. So even if Neil has one, Todd should have little to nothing to do with its fulfillment. Given that, let's leave IEPs, and any questions of disability or neurodivergence, to the side for now.

Essentially, what your letter boils down to is your son is in a situation where he's in a peer learning group that isn't going well, and your son's behavior and potentially grades are being affected as a result. You spoke to the teacher with less than stellar results. I get where you're coming from -- your son is frustrated, and thus you are frustrated and maybe worrying that he's being taken advantage of. But I want to offer a few counterpoints.

First, there is a limit to what the teacher can (and should) tell you about Neil. The fact that she was close-lipped about him, to me, demonstrates that she has a moral code. This is a good thing, and might even suggest that she wouldn't be doing something to Todd that is unethical. Which leads me to my second point: Are you sure you know everything that is happening within the classroom, or is it possible you're getting a skewed version of events? For example, maybe everyone is in peer learning groups, not just Todd and Neil. And maybe there are valid reasons for how pairs are established and if/when they are changed.

I raise these counterpoints because I wonder whether you came into the meeting with more assumptions than questions. I have no idea, I wasn't in the room, but if the teacher felt you were there to complain, not to collaborate, it could explain why she shut down so fast.

I suggest asking the teacher for a redo. Acknowledge that the first meeting didn't go well and let her know you aren't trying to fight, but that you genuinely want to understand what is happening in the classroom so that you can appropriately guide and support Todd. And in that conversation, make sure you focus on Todd's experience, not on Neil. If that doesn't work, and you still feel like Todd is receiving a disservice, then you can decide whether to speak to the principal about these conversations.

I am a fan of inclusive education, where kids with disabilities are in classrooms with neurotypical kids, but it's not without its challenges. Differentiated instruction within a classroom can be extremely complicated, and some students and teachers are not given the resources they need to make it successful for everyone. While it is possible that this teacher is making poor instructional choices, it's also possible that they are in a tricky situation and trying to navigate it the best they can. I think bringing grace and curiosity into any meeting with a teacher will always serve you well.

-- Allison

My daughter is about to graduate college, and she's refusing to let anyone go to the ceremony or acknowledge it in any way. Even though she did well academically, she struggled emotionally and hated the school she attends. Overall, it was a pretty bad experience...