A woman was backed by the internet for refusing to participate in her family's expensive white elephant gift exchange.
Reddit user u/scorpioh2o shared their conundrum in the sub "AmITheA*****," where it garnered 11,000 upvotes. The 29-year-old woman explained her family has a yearly white elephant gift exchange tradition, but this year, they decided to raise the price limit to $250.
"I'm honestly a little shocked. I get that inflation has hit, but that's a lot of money for one gift, especially for something that's supposed to be fun and quirky, not something super expensive or meaningful.
"I have a pretty tight budget this year with unexpected medical bills and just general life expenses. After paying for all my bills and essentials, there's barely enough left to get by. The idea of spending $250 on a gift is totally unrealistic for me," she explained.
A white elephant gift exchange is a party game where participants bring a wrapped gift, typically with a set price limit.
Gifts are exchanged randomly or through a playful, competitive process that often involves "stealing" gifts from others. The focus is usually on humor or novelty rather than high value.
The woman tried to explain to the host that she felt pushed out of the tradition due to her financial situation.
"I told her that, honestly, if I can't participate in the gift exchange, then I might not come at all. I didn't want to be the person who has to sit awkwardly and watch everyone else exchange expensive gifts when I couldn't contribute. Plus, I didn't want to feel embarrassed about not meeting their expectations," she said.
Her mom called her "petty," and her dad said she was overreacting, arguing that the exchange wasn't about the price but "the spirit of Christmas."
Some of her siblings agreed with her but planned to join the exchange anyway since the majority had voted in favor of the higher limit. Others thought she should "suck it up."
In addition to the white elephant gift, participants were expected to bring gifts for the 18-25 family members attending.
"I really don't want to make a big scene or cause drama, but at the same time, I feel like this is a massive financial burden that's being placed on me, and I just don't know if it's worth it to show up and feel out of place...
Rachel Marmor, a licensed mental health counselor at the PARIS Foundation, shared insights on the emotional challenges of such situations with Newsweek.
"Deciding to step back from the gift exchange is a reasonable choice given her financial circumstances. $250 for a gift -- particularly for a playful exchange like a white elephant -- can place an undue burden on people who are managing tight budgets.
"Opting out shows self-awareness and a commitment to financial well-being.
"Setting a $250 limit for a white elephant gift exchange, particularly with a large group, risks leaving out people who cannot comfortably afford to participate. White elephant exchanges are supposed to be lighthearted and centered on creativity rather than cost, making such a high price point seem misaligned with the intended spirit.
"A more inclusive price range could allow everyone to join in without undue financial stress," she advised.
Reddit Reacts
Redditors overwhelmingly supported the woman's decision.
"NTA. I get it would be very uncomfortable to be the only one who couldn't afford it. Tell your dad you will come if he gives you the $250," one user suggested.
"NTA. Sit this year out and make sure you explain exactly why in the family group chat because no one has the right to tell you an amount exceeding your budget to 'just suck it up.' If they say it again, tell them you'll be over in an hour to get their credit card. When they start backpedaling, just say, 'suck it up,'" wrote another.
"Sounds like your family turned Christmas into a budget-breaking Olympics," commented u/ItsJustSteph.
"$250 for a white elephant present is kinda... stupid," another user said.
Newsweek reached out to u/u/scorpioh2o for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
Newsweek's "What Should I Do?" offers expert advice to readers. If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work and your story could be featured on WSID at Newsweek.