Is anything more gratifying than an unexpected gift from a stranger? The answer is "yes," but we'll get to that.
Several days ago, a friend was shopping at a local dollar store, buying small items to place in gift boxes for children. Her church had given her a debit card with a $150 allowance, and she went through the aisles placing dozens of toys and school supplies in her cart, keeping a running amount in her head. When she got to the checkout, she told the clerk to stop when the total got close to her spending limit.
The clerk, a big rough-looking man, started scanning the items.
"You sure have a lot of stuff here," he said.
My friend explained what she was doing, that everything would go to children who do not get any other presents for Christmas. He smiled and kept scanning. When the register total came to just shy of $150, he paused.
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"What about those?"
He pointed to the handful of things left in the cart.
"That's OK," my friend said. "They can go back on the shelf."
"I'll pay for them," he said.
My friend objected at first, but the clerk was insistent.
"I was one of those kids," he said. "My dad never got us presents for Christmas, and I don't have any kids of my own."
He scanned the rest of the items, then reached into his pocket for a crumpled wad of bills to pay the balance. Then he put everything into bags and her cart.
"God bless you," he said with a smile.
"Every gift requires two freedoms," author Peter Kreeft wrote, "the giver's and the receiver's."
We must be careful to respect the privilege of giving, for it is in giving that we feel our humanity most deeply.
As technologies make life more automated, our interaction with strangers is declining. That might seem good to some. But the overall effect is to increase anxiety by depriving us of daily exercise in social skills, something necessary for a healthy democracy. It also removes opportunities to give and to receive.
One of the great misfortunes of a prosperous society is that giving and receiving become transactional rather than relational: A class of people deliver goods and services, and a class of people receive them. One group funds the local shelter and the soup kitchen, and another group goes there to get housing and nourishment. One is the host, the other the guest.
Many less prosperous societies still follow the ancient practice of bringing a stranger into one's home for shelter and meals together. The guest and host get to know each other. It is not easy to say who benefits most, because both provide something to each other: the need to receive and the need to give.
This practice of relational giving and receiving is retained in the gift exchanges among family and friends during the holidays. It is a chance to remind one another of our interdependence.
Yet for those who have no one close with whom to celebrate, this time of year can be especially sad and lonely -- not just because they receive no gifts but because they have nobody to whom to give. Their loneliness is a symptom of disconnection at a time of year when relationships with family, friends and neighbors are lifted up and celebrated everywhere one turns.
It doesn't have to be that way. Every community is filled with people who need something. Churches have giving trees. Schools and nursing homes need volunteers. And just about everybody has a neighbor who could use a small box of cookies and a smile.
Every year I rewatch "It's a Wonderful Life." It just might be the best movie ever made. Watching it reminds us that the greatest contribution a person can make in life is to lovingly tend to the relationships where you are.
A pivotal moment in the movie comes shortly after George Bailey pulls Clarence out of an icy river. As they are drying off, Clarence explains he is an angel sent to save him. George is understandably skeptical. "Save me!?" he responds. Clarence explains, "I knew if I were drowning, you'd try to save me, and that's how I saved you."
The gift Clarence gave to George was an opportunity to be useful when he thought the world would be better off without him. Like many of us, George overvalued the worth of his contributions and undervalued the worth of his presence.
Even those who have great needs can be raised up by an opportunity to give. It is through the mutuality of both giving and receiving that we experience the grace that shines on every act of shared kindness.
Kyte is the director of the D.B. Reinhart Institute for Ethics in Leadership at Viterbo University in La Crosse, Wisconsin.
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